right through me

So I guess we’re cool now. I’m fine with that. Obviously I’m not too overjoyed, neither am i bitter, to me I’m okay with it. I don’t really know how to explain how I really feel, only that I’ve been the bitch, I’ve showed you my mean side and yes I know it wasn’t too pretty but what’s done is done with and I’m over the past, I’ve learned from it and now I’m moving forward. And it’s funny, seeing you on the bus you looked really sad, and I don’t know what or why but honestly are you satisfied with your new boo? i know i shouldn’t be concerned or anything but I’m really curious, i mean who wouldn’t be? Sure you get ‘some’, but does she really satisfy you emotionally and mentally? Sure she could satisfy you physically but really? Does she get your jokes or corny ass remarks? 

Well in full honesty, Idgaf anymore like really. I’m just living on life doing me and hoping that the guy i REALLY deserve will swooop me off my feet (:

i don’t understand why you didn’t do that. you made me ask myself if i was good enough or not. and you made me think things that have greatly affected me. people ask you all the time why you let me go. people tell you all the time that you fucked up real bad and people even tell me that I’m better than him and that i deserve someone better, someone that will treat me better. 

i know this. but it’s hard to follow your common sense when you feelings still feel for him..

tell me why after the jazz band thing, gill asks you if you like perkins and you’re like ,”what?!? who said that??” and he goes people tell me ! and i was like,” who?!?” and he goes matt, donnie and sean and i was like -_______- 

why does it matter? and gill goes you do huh! and i was like why should it matter? and then gill was like,”LIKE melo!!! and i was like noooooooooo..

ps and the ride home, eli asked you what song you sang for the talent show and you told him. eli was like damn at the show, gill looked at jordan and just said, why did you let belle go?

Tell Me why this morning when I walked downstairs with kaylin, melo kept looking at me with jp and Matt lol then he just stared at me which I walked to math like he saw me and tried to walk beside me and ish. UGH I know he was lookin

Haha before Jomar and them left, auntie Kayla asked them when their next game was and Jomar told her so tues mis padres said I could go so we’ll see’ (:

It’s weird I try and find K.G. to tell her about T.F. and right when you see me I can see the disappointment and anger linger onto your face.. And it’s funny, bc my homegirl told me by just seeing me, your morning just got worse.

HUUH. shit just hit the fan right? 

but it really sucked when i saw you and your gf kiss before band and right then i tried to avoid seeing it. let along think it, but i did anyway. It’s hard, extremely hard and even though my best friend tells me that I need to move on, I need to forget about him, it’s just easier said then done. I KNOW I deserve better, I KNOW I’m better off without him, but the thing is, my heart still loves him. My mind tells me he’s stupid for letting me go, not holding on, my mind tells me that I’ll find someone better. It’s hard when your heart still loves him..

Soooo walking to find kaylin all of a sudden Pj walks inside the door by vics locker-__- he sees me Then walking to aps room I see him at his locker. Idk if he saw me bc I hope not haha but he was on the phone the best was right I didn’t want to interrupt him lol I needa tell him later if I get the chance that I was gonna talk to him but he was on the phone ! Lol

I don’t even want to repeat what I semi saw after school. 

But it tore my heart in half and you know what? I didn’t break down at all

because my best friend is right, he’s a loser without me and a douchebag i don’t need that. or him obviously he doesn’t make an effort to make me stay and it’s all just stupid. 

i don’t even know what to say anymore, like i said there’s no need for the breakdown

So weirdnat dinner mom was talking about how her and dad was thinking about me hanging out with guys or just having a good guy friend. Blah blah idk how it started and she was like we’re not saying you need a bf and I was like I know, I told u I had to tell some guys I couldn’t hang out bc of my parents.. Ugh one day! Hopefully when I start driving 2! Bc pj lives 6 min away gem me:) I can give him rides home!! Muahah

You fought for me so hard, and back then I thought you’d never let go of me. I believed in forever, I believed in love, and I believed in you and us. I guess I expected too much of a relationship that we’d always be happy and that we’d always have each other, but things got complicated, you wanted more of me and I assume that’s why you ‘moved’ onto those other girls.. They were easy right? And how hard did you fight for them? Am I the only girl you fought hard for? 

I have so many questions to ask, so many answers I want from you, and I just really want to know if things will be close to ever being the same as they used to be. Will you graduate without saying another word to me? Will we be friends before you graduate, or on ‘good terms?’ 

For the time being, I’ll be doing me. Alone, yet independent and strong